Assimilation Menu Aka Life on Day 3

 I was thinking today about meals. So far, in the 4 days we've been here, we've only had food "from home", meals that were common to us before. We haven't tried fish and chips or bangers n mash or sausages, or whatever British food is. We've basically stuck to the same menu we had before - pizza, pasta, chicken. 

When you immigrate to a country, how do you start eating their food? It's not like you get a menu when you go through immigration. No one has invited us into their homes. We're not eating out a ton because it's expensive. Instead, we're cooking what we can from home. But in new pots and on a different stove. 

Transitions Again

 Looking back, my most recent blog post was several years ago. Like we only had 2 kids ago. Now life is different. We're in Northern Virginia again, but like we were then, we're about to move. A big part of me wishes we could stay. Thinks we should stay. We have worked so hard to integrate into this community. We love and and are loved here. It's known. It's good. It's really good here. 

But another part of me knows that it's time. If we didn't do a big move, we'd probably need to do a smaller move. And that was what scared me. None of the smaller move ideas felt right. They all felt like possibilities that didn't match who we are and the direction in which we are moving. 

So here we go. Another big step. Lots of logistics. Lots of moving parts to figure out. But I feel the potential here. I get excited considering the possibilities. We have weighed our options and this feels like the right thing to do. But it's still hard. I still am deeply mourning our lives here and the friendships we have and the relationships we have built. 

Bittersweet. It's definitely bittersweet.

Roller Coaster

We've experienced tons of emotions in the past few months - excitement to live in a new place, sadness at leaving our community here, fear of finding new friends and figuring out how to do life all over again, panic at the thought of finding a house, and denial that it is all really happening. Sometimes it all is so overwhelming that I feel paralyzed.

I want to make the best of the rest of our time here, and that seems to create a lot of pressure. Every day feels like it needs to be spectacular. But then, before the emotions run out of hand, I try to remind myself that each day is enough. I am enough. Our life, even the day to day normal things, is beautiful, and that's what I love about it. Our walks around town. Playing at the park or at the stage. Recovering while baby K naps. These next few weeks hold lots of special things, so it's ok if I need down days to rejuvenate.

Hubby went out to Hawaii to do some training. He looked at some areas that we were interested in living in, and found that our first choice was not going to be good. His commute would be awful. The neighborhoods were sketchy in the areas that we can afford. He looked at an area I had visited 6 years ago (!) and I thought it was nice then. Hubby loved the area. The commute is good. It's a very walking-friendly area, and a friend from college had lived there for 4 years, and now had a steal of a rental available. He checked out my friend's house, and loved it. We signed the lease this week and now have a house!

With all of the transitions that we'll be making in the next few weeks, we are SO glad to have a house! Now when we are waiting for our things and car to arrive, we can spend time relaxing on island instead of panicking about where we'll live, hauling the kids out to see tons of properties, figuring out various commutes... we can just enjoy. Spend time as a family. Relax. Explore our new island. Actually have a vacation of our own!

Our next few weeks are full of goodbyes. I'm really not looking forward to saying goodbye to all of these meaningful people and places. I try to remind myself of what I'm saying hello to - a designated parking spot, our snow shovel, cable tv, more than one bathroom, a beach 1.5 miles away from our house, a cute town within walking distance.

That one day...

... When we were in the car, just having returned from the doctor. We heard it. My sweet girl asked me what *that* noise was. And I lied to her. I couldn't tell her what I thought it really was, what I was afraid it was, what it turned out to be. The kids in the playground at the school were quickly ushered back into their school. I hurried us in the house. We waited. Then the sirens started. And they didn't stop for a long time. People slowly eventually left their shelters again and whispered about what went wrong. It took hours to finally hear the truth. By then the helicopter had come and gone and the police officer had been in surgery for most of that time. He had been shot during a routine traffic stop. In my neighborhood.

I never wanted to have to figure out if was safer to stay put in the car or brave the open air for a run to the house. I never wanted to lie to my girl - but how do you explain a gunshot to a 3 year old? I don't want it. Take it back.

It's strange. My safe place wasn't safe for me today. It let me down. I feel vulnerable, and not in a life-giving, heart-sharing way. Vulnerable. Exposed. Betrayed.

The In-Between

It's official. Barring any unforseen circumstance (this *is* the military we're talking about), we've got orders to Hawai'i. My heart is happy. I really love that place. I mean, really, do you know anyone else who looks for a halau (hula school) in TENNESSEE and finds one? My Pinterest boards are half in Hawaiian so I can practice the 'olelo (language). My kids each have a Hawaiian first or middle name. I have some connection to Hawai'i that I just can't fully explain.

We had been in Hilo, on the Big Island (the Island of Hawai'i) before, and this time will be in Honolulu, on the island of O'ahu (the one with Waikiki and Pearl Harbor).

I'm really excited. It's far from family :( It has a lot of accompanying paperwork :( and has a lot of natural disasters that could happen :( But I think it'll be really good for us. Plus, the job for Hubby will be better both career-wise and work-life-wise (that is military speak for it might have semi-regular hours).

But what to do now? It feels too early to do many goodbyes - to friends, to experiences, to even winter for a month or two... It is too early to look for rental houses, any available now most likely won't be available later. We are hoping to live on one part of the island, so I'm wondering if I should start researching preschools in the area and hula schools and churches. Cough, I might already know where the nearest Starbucks is, cough. But if we don't live there, we could live 45 minutes away. Do I just make up spreadsheets of various scenarios? You know, in my free time?

Well, I suppose now I'll just work on the paperwork for the kids and I - we're known as DEPENDENTS in the military. Gee, thanks, military. And I'll try to figure out when to ship out our car (it'll take 30ish days?), and when to have the movers come and pack up our stuff (probably will take 30 days too?). I have never minded moving in the past. Hubs and I have lived out of suitcases for 6 weeks before without batting an eye. But this move is different. WE HAVE TWO KIDS. Lu'au asks us every day if "the men (aka movers) will take her beach shovel and sand toys to Hawai'i" or if we'll take her bed, her dresser, her dollhouse, her walls, her room... and I sometimes wonder if we're crazy. Then again, if we have to move, it might as well be to Hawai'i, right?

One thing I'm also trying to anticipate is how to work on making a community once we get there. My word for 2013 is community. I chose it, then realized that we'll be leaving the closest thing to community we've had, halfway through the year. How do you create the feeling of community? I plan to spend time at the park, the beach, go to the same farmers' market and grocery store, enroll Lu'au in school, join a halau, find a church, join a small group.

I'm excited to join a virtual book club and read Daring Greatly. I want to learn to be vulnerable, but I need to figure out how to do that while making a huge transition. Here goes nothing.

Waiting

It seems to be a season of waiting. For military folks, now is often the time we wait on orders. Or wait for a loved one to come back from a deployment. For others, it's news about an adoption. Still others are anxiously waiting to get pregnant or for a child to be born. It seems like a lot of my friends are waiting on something.

We're waiting for orders. Well, we know where we're going, but we're waiting until it's official. We put in our request back in September, and heard back late January where it would be. Now we're waiting again until we get our paper orders. And each step is taking longer than we had anticipated.

We've been here 4 years. Two years into our assignment, my dear friend moved away. To Oklahoma. We were kind of hoping that we'd be restationed soon after that. I kind of had it in my mind to "coast" a little, and not invest energy into making more friends, if we were just going to be leaving anyway. Well, that didn't happen. God kept placing people into my path who needed to be there (none quite as wonderful as my dear Oklahoma friend, but it definitely seemed as he deliberately said not to give up on living life here). Friends seem to pop up and move away, but God never seems to let me just coast until the end.

Just today I had thought to myself that this place is kind of ugly in the winters. And just a few hours later, on the way back from the commissary,  I crossed the Potomac River and the sun was shining over the glistening water. It was beautiful. And I knew that I am not supposed to sell my time here short.

Waiting in expectation for the next thing and being content where you are at the time seem to be at odds. Do they have to be? Can you hold both attitudes at the same time?

1.28.13 - Little Things

 

 

 

 

Ballerina - I love watching Lu'au at her dance classes. She listens well and enjoys dancing. The ballerina temporary tattoo is added cuteness (and the only kind daddy will permit!).

Daddy-daughter dancing - Daddy took the day off and went to ballet with us. It was great to have him see what we do and see the ballerina in her element. Good stuff.

Cousins - We snuck off to North Carolina to see my sister, brother-in-law, and their family. The cousins all get along well, and so do the adults. It's great to spend time together.

Sitting up - Little man is sitting now. He can't push himself up to sit yet, but if you sit him down, he can play there for a good 5-10 minutes before he wants to get moving again. He can't crawl yet, but he can roll himself anywhere he wants to go (or to any toy he wants to get to)!

Snow! - Lu'au was so excited that it actually snowed here. After several days of below 20 temperatures (and staying inside due to colds), it snowed. We ventured outside, runny noses and all, and played in the snow for a few minutes. Most of it melted yesterday afternoon, but we're getting a fresh batch today. Just in time for Daddy to take her sledding this weekend. Kunane and I will hang out together inside.

Hello... Is this thing on?

Wow, this whole two kids thing is intense. I read a funny article about it the other day, and while it's not that bad, it really is a big change.

In the beginning, it was so hot outside, it was hard to take Lu'au to the park. Now it's so cold outside (19 degrees?!?!) that I don't want to go outside, even with Kunane in a baby carrier or super-bundled, unless we have a specific mission and stops along the way. I know, whine, whine.

We're wrapping up our time here in the DC area. I totally have mixed feelings about this. I'm sad to leave the community we've established here. I know the cashiers at the grocery store, the baggers at the commissary, the mail ladies at the post office... I feel like most times we go out for walks around town we bump into someone we know. And I love it.

We did random acts of kindness on what would have been my brother's 30th birthday. It was a great way to honor him, I think. Plus it was fun. Some of what my family chose to do were truly random. Lu'au handed out 2 dozen flowers to random strangers on the street. Other things were deliberate acts of kindness and a way for us to thank so many people in our neighborhood that we see regularly and usually don't stop to acknowledge.

I watched the movie Hope Floats the other night while folding laundry (another thing that has dramatically increased with the one to two kids transition, particularly when kid #1 is potty training!). Along with bringing back good memories from Huntington University, at the end, I heard a line that resonated with me. The main character, Bertie, said,

"Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. And you need to remember that when you find yourself at the beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up, and it will, too." 

I really thought about that. That's totally where I am now. I'm starting to feel like we're ending our time here, doing some things here for the last time, and I'm sad about it. At the same time, I'm starting to get scared about our upcoming move (first time PCSing with 2 kids!), readjusting to life somewhere else, and plugging into a community. But while all of that is going on, I don't want to lose any of the richness of life here - the time with friends, walking all over town, seeing our favorite people around the city - we really do have it good.

And I'll try to write more. Not really for you, but for me to capture this time in our lives.

Little Things

Fruit dip - A friend from MOPS (actually 4 friends from MOPS) brought meals to us. This fruit dip was amazing. Admittedly, I would overportion the dip part so I could eat it plain.

Lobster outfit and sad face - He cracks me up. He makes all kinds of sour faces.

Smile - He's starting to have some more pleasant expressions too.

Astronaut - Grandma is super-creative and made an astronaut helmet for Lu'au. She loves it and now wants a space suit.

Holding Hands - Grandma and Lu'au have a picture similar to this and I love it. Here's her version with baby boy.

First Bath - Not only was it Kunane's first bath, it was his first bath with his sister. They both seemed to enjoy it :) Too bad I just don't feel comfortable putting this picture on the internet. It's adorable!

7.6.12 - Little Things: what's making me smile this week

 

 

 


 Daddy Daughter Time - Daddy's been taking Luau to the pool lately. Sometimes I go with them, but sometimes I stay home and rest. During the 15 minutes of adult swim per hour, they sit together and watch things. Adorable. They really love hanging out together.

Pick one for you and a friend - This is my neighbor. Very very cool. They're some of the nicest neighbors ever and never hesitate to come help us when we have a question about our newborn (wife is a former pediatric RN) or military retirement or gardening questions (husband is very handy and retired military).

Too cool for school - She insisted upon wearing the sweatshirt (you know, because it was a chilly 85 that morning). She's got a personality and plenty of it!

Hugs for Mama - After my OB appointment on Monday, we sat on a bench and had a snack. She kept coming over to me and giving me hugs. What a sweet girl!

'Merican Flag - Our girl loves to point out 'merican flags when on walks or driving through town. We made a few of these flags for decorations when we had people over for the 4th of July.

Rocky Road - my latest craving. Sorry for cheating on you, Ben & Jerry. I'll be back, I promise!

Hospital Bag Packing List

Hospital Bag Packing List

For Labor:

•  If you scrapbook or are planning on making a baby book, bring a sheet of paper or the book itself into labor and deliver and they can make the footprints right there in the delivery room!
• An extra outfit or two for your husband (I threw up a few times, so it was nice for hubby to have it – plus he didn’t have to go home then).
• Glasses, if you wear them 
• * * Chapstick – hospital air is pretty dry, I liked to have chapstick readily available during labor and afterwards. 
• Camera and/or video camera – plus chargers/batteries 
• Snacks – both for hubby if labor is long (I have friends who have had 36 hours+ labors), and for you both after labor. 
•  Magazines or a book or something to do in case labor is long. 
• Music – I think I’m just going to bring my phone or iPod 
• Headband or hairties to pull hair back 

For Mom:

• Lanolin ointment if you plan to nurse – use for a few weeks beforehand
• Nursing bra/camisole (NO underwires!) and (disposable) nursing pads. If your milk comes in, you’ll definitely want them. Also, if you’re using lanolin ointment, you’ll want to use nursing pads because the ointment seems to stain bras a bit.
• Small things of shampoo and conditioner, toothpaste, and other toiletries – they provided basic ones (worse than hotel ones), but I wished I had my own.
• * *Extra absorbent overnight pads...with wings! They supply pads in the hospital but they’re huge and it’s nice to have a pack at home ready to go (your husband will thank you for not having to go out and get you some more!).
• * * Underwear that is a size or two too big. That way you can fit the bulky pads and ice packs and everything in. The ones they supply in the hospital are huge saggy mesh ones that don’t hold anything in place. I used these for a few weeks after the baby was born. That way, I didn’t ruin any of my “good” underwear with leaks.
• Pajama pants and a lightweight robe to wear with the hospital gowns. I liked having something that opened in the front (ie light cardigan or zip-up sweatshirt) to make nursing easier.
• A comfy outfit for you and baby to wear home (maternity clothes, because you’ll still have some extra weight – boo!)
• Comfy slippers/flip flops that you don’t mind getting dirty
• Cell phone charger
• Gift for nurses?

For Baby:

• Newborn diapers for the baby. They supply size 1's in the hospital which are too big on a brand new baby and they don't have the umbilical cut-out. You are allowed to take the ones they supply home with you. 
• Homecoming outfit
• Diaper bag with diapers, burp cloth(s), wipes
• Own swaddling blanket if desired
• Car seat (already installed)

Have at home:

• Nursing pads (disposable or reusable)
• Maxi pads with wings
• Hemorrhoid wipes
• Witch hazel pads
• Formula - even if you plan to breastfeed, have a little on hand in case your milk doesn't come in for a few days. Mine didn't and poor Lu'au didn't eat much until then.

General Tips:

• *Don’t bring anything that you wouldn’t mind getting a bit dirty – you’ll be surprised where fluids will leak!
• *Don't pack a ton more than you think you'll need. I didn't actually wear a lot of clothes while I was there, and I had packed 4 outfits! Pajamas are good - anything comfortable is good! 
• *Take home anything you can – especially the squirt water bottle they give you to cleanse, pads, ice packs, extra diapers, receiving blankets, anything!

The gift that keeps on giving

No, not a fruitcake.

So, back when we lived in DC the first time (6-ish years ago) I was a struggling grad student. I worked full-time, went to school full-time, and was dating this hottie Coastie long distance. I found the "Magic Bus" shortly after I moved into Virginia. The bus stopped at several stops, then outside my apartment building. (Score!) I rode it into DC, and exited at the first stop. I then walked three blocks to work. All for $1.25 each way. It was the bargain of the century. Plus, I met my friend "Jen-from-the-bus" there. We are still friends on facebook (though I'm not sure exactly what that says).

Anyway, one day, I realized they were having a contest for people riding the bus and using public transit. All I needed to do was to write my name and contact information on the entry paper and I'd get a free busride. Yadda, yadda, yadda and they had prizes too... yadda, yadda, yadda. All I was excited about was the free busride! A fare for one way. Not a free month, not a free year. One free ride. I was very excited.

A few weeks later, for my birthday or Christmas, or something, my boyfriend (or possibly fiance by that time), bought me an iPod. I was happy - it would make the rides on the Magic Bus better when Jen-from-the-bus wasn't there. 

A few days after that, I received a call from WMATA. I was one of 6 people who had one a free iPod! Apparently they couldn't get the old model, so I got one of the first models of the iPod nano. I promptly returned whatever boyfriend had bought. He loved this. He got credit for giving me an iPod, but still didn't have to actually buy one for me! I got a new iPod. It was definitely a win-win.

Fast forward six years - my iPod is kind of old. I don't really use it any more. We have a new, snazzy iPod and an iHome to listen to it. I don't get to use my iPod like I used to... but I got an email from Apple. Apparently the battery in the first nano is defective. AND SO THEY'RE SENDING ME A NEW iPOD if I send in my old one.

So, as it turns out, this potentially new iPod has given me great happiness in many forms over several years. I got a free ride on a bus, a gift from my (now) husband, and a now new iPod. And to think, what I really was excited about was the bus fare!

Today, as I was changing Lu'au's diaper, she started chatting about various things. She said something about "the Lion in the jungle", probably in reference to her favorite song, The Lion Sleeps Tonight. She then said something about Jesus and the jungle. She said "Jesus live in jungle?" I then told her that Jesus lives all over - he lives in heaven, he lives in the jungle, he lives in our house. He also lives in our hearts if we love him.

Then she said something that I hope I remember forever. "Lu'au loves Jesus. Dadda loves Jesus. Mama loves Jesus." Yes, baby girl, you're right.

Almost two, going on... 12?

Yesterday I took Lu'au to a park and she was on the swings. Another child was being pushed in the swing next to us by her mother. The mother asked Lu'au how old she is now. I waited for Lu'au's typical response - "1, 1, 1, 1, 1!" that is accompanied by her gesturing "1" and shaking that 1 up and down.

This time was different - Lu'au paused and said confidently, "almost two."

Perfect Timing

There are some things that I would argue cannot be attributed to anything else than God's timing.

First, I had been trying to figure out what to do about the due date... I wanted to do something to deliberately remember the baby, but not something huge or depressing. I decided to do my own version of a Hawaiian custom. Instead of throwing my lei into the ocean, I'd sprinkle some flowers on the Potomac River (the closest thing we have to an ocean where we live now). Baby Lu'au picked a bunch of marigolds from our front yard one morning, and I thought it the perfect time to sprinkle some flowers. As we walked to the river, I prayed silently about the baby and asked God to help me hope. I thought about Hebrews 11:1 - Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

It was right then that I got a text from my brother in law saying "Romans 5:5 - and hope does not disappoint". That really struck me. He could have chosen any time to send that, or not to send it at all. But he chose right then, and it was perfect. There's no way he could have known that it was the day I chose or even that I was going to do something...

Thanks, Rich, for listening to God's prompting.

Today

Today we woke up and I was thankful that I am alive. That we have electricity. That we have running water. That things weren't as bad with the hurricane as they could have been.

Today I found out we lost a dear friend, and I am extremely saddened by it.

Today would have been 40 weeks pregnant with our second child. Unfortunately, we lost the baby at nearly 12 weeks. I can't figure out how to mourn appropriately. It's been a lot harder overall, than I thought it would be. I'm starting to get back to my normal self. But still, I don't trust my body. It's kind of hard to explain, but that's the best way I can describe it.

There isn't a specific way how to mourn the loss of an unborn baby. I'm sad because I thought I'd be pregnant again by the time this date came around, but I'm not. Way to set an unrealistic expectation for myself, and then have no way to really make sure it would happen. Thankfully, with all of the hurricane craziness lately, I haven't thought much about the due date being today. I'm just holding onto Hebrews 11:1 - Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. I'm full of hope.

Basil season!

This year, we actually decided to do something with the miniscule front "yard" that we have. I planted flowers, and, as an afterthought, some basil, a jalapeno plant (for the hubs), and some rosemary.

The jalapeno had cute little flowers, and now has 7-8 potential peppers already growing! The rosemary is growing well. The basil, however, has taken off. It is literally thigh-high on me. We have used it in spaghetti sauce, on pizza, and in caprese salads. I have also started to make pesto. Massive amounts of pesto (well, at least compared to the none I was making before).

I love this recipe from allrecipes.com. So easy - you just throw everything in a blender or food processor.

I made this recipe for dinner tonight and it was a hit!

In the words of Lu'au

We've been having a lot of fun as a little family. Lu'au is walking (running!) and learning to talk. It's exciting to be able to know what she thinks and to see her personality a little more clearly.

• She opens a basketball "egg" from Easter (it was for Daddy), and sees that it's empty, says sadly, "No chocolate. No chocolate."
• She says "cosas" and I can't figure out what she means until she says it again and adds "moo". Obviously, "Cow says moo"!
• She coughs and if I don't say anything to her afterwards, says to herself, "Bless you, Lu'au".
  

Marinade for Chicken Recipe

I found this recipe on allrecipes.com. It's a simple marinade made with ingredients I usually have on hand. It's quick, delicious, and gets better the longer you marinade your meat. It's a winner!


Marinade for Chicken -from user jillypooh

Ingredients 

I halved the recipe to only make 2 cups marinade

• 3/4 cup vegetable oil
• 1/4 cup and 2 tablespoons soy sauce
• 1/4 cup Worcestershire sauce
• 1/4 cup red wine vinegar
• 2 tablespoons and 2 teaspoons lemon juice
• 1 tablespoon dry mustard
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1-1/2 teaspoons black pepper
• 3/4 teaspoon finely minced fresh parsley *I use freeze-dried from a jar

Directions

1. In a medium bowl, mix together oil, soy sauce, Worcestershire sauce, wine vinegar, and lemon juice. Stir in mustard powder, salt, pepper, and parsley. Use to marinate chicken before cooking as desired. The longer you marinate, the more flavor it will have.

Update on Goals

Goals for 2011 - revisited in March

1. Find a church we like.

We have visited a church in our neighborhood a few times and like it. It has a family service at a time that’s good for Lu’au’s naps. The people are friendly. It’s not perfect, but neither are we. Hopefully we can get plugged in soon.

2. Visit Europe (hopefully we can make this happen!).

Just bought tickets today to go to London! I’d like to work on an itinerary, and to figure out if we should take Lu’au or not (I've never been away from her for more than 4 hours!).

3. Make at least one new recipe per month and document it. (Make at least two recipes from the book Erinn gave me (Ready for Dessert).)

I’ve been making new things (potatoes, tilapia, cookies, chicken marinade…). I need to get better at documenting.

4. Continue taking one picture a day and posting it on a blog.

So far, so good! It’s been really fun.

5. Attend at least one photography workshop or class.

I have one workshop scheduled for May!

6. Finish Lu'au's quilt.

Done! I love how it turned out. Now to start two more – Isa’s and a new niece.

7. Visit Ashley and David in Atlanta.

We went in February and had a blast! We love hanging out with them!

8. Memorize the entire chant - Nā 'Ōiwi 'Ōlino

Well, I have most of the first verse down. Only four more to go.

9. Eat at Restaurant Eve (probably not the 9-course pre fixe, lunch or restaurant week is more like it)

I’m looking for an opportunity to go sometime soon. Preferably without Lu’au. We’ll see.

10. Craft more, internet/facebook less.  

I’m bad on this one. I’m on the internet WAY more than I need to be. How do I cut back on this? Any suggestions? I may be addicted. This is bad.

11.  Drink more liquids. Eat more fruit and vegetables, preferably raw.

           There’s definite room for improvement again here.

12. New- Exercise 4 times a week.

I really need to start exercising regularly again. Any ideas on how to motivate myself?