Assimilation Menu Aka Life on Day 3

 I was thinking today about meals. So far, in the 4 days we've been here, we've only had food "from home", meals that were common to us before. We haven't tried fish and chips or bangers n mash or sausages, or whatever British food is. We've basically stuck to the same menu we had before - pizza, pasta, chicken. 

When you immigrate to a country, how do you start eating their food? It's not like you get a menu when you go through immigration. No one has invited us into their homes. We're not eating out a ton because it's expensive. Instead, we're cooking what we can from home. But in new pots and on a different stove. 

Transitions Again

 Looking back, my most recent blog post was several years ago. Like we only had 2 kids ago. Now life is different. We're in Northern Virginia again, but like we were then, we're about to move. A big part of me wishes we could stay. Thinks we should stay. We have worked so hard to integrate into this community. We love and and are loved here. It's known. It's good. It's really good here. 

But another part of me knows that it's time. If we didn't do a big move, we'd probably need to do a smaller move. And that was what scared me. None of the smaller move ideas felt right. They all felt like possibilities that didn't match who we are and the direction in which we are moving. 

So here we go. Another big step. Lots of logistics. Lots of moving parts to figure out. But I feel the potential here. I get excited considering the possibilities. We have weighed our options and this feels like the right thing to do. But it's still hard. I still am deeply mourning our lives here and the friendships we have and the relationships we have built. 

Bittersweet. It's definitely bittersweet.

Roller Coaster

We've experienced tons of emotions in the past few months - excitement to live in a new place, sadness at leaving our community here, fear of finding new friends and figuring out how to do life all over again, panic at the thought of finding a house, and denial that it is all really happening. Sometimes it all is so overwhelming that I feel paralyzed.

I want to make the best of the rest of our time here, and that seems to create a lot of pressure. Every day feels like it needs to be spectacular. But then, before the emotions run out of hand, I try to remind myself that each day is enough. I am enough. Our life, even the day to day normal things, is beautiful, and that's what I love about it. Our walks around town. Playing at the park or at the stage. Recovering while baby K naps. These next few weeks hold lots of special things, so it's ok if I need down days to rejuvenate.

Hubby went out to Hawaii to do some training. He looked at some areas that we were interested in living in, and found that our first choice was not going to be good. His commute would be awful. The neighborhoods were sketchy in the areas that we can afford. He looked at an area I had visited 6 years ago (!) and I thought it was nice then. Hubby loved the area. The commute is good. It's a very walking-friendly area, and a friend from college had lived there for 4 years, and now had a steal of a rental available. He checked out my friend's house, and loved it. We signed the lease this week and now have a house!

With all of the transitions that we'll be making in the next few weeks, we are SO glad to have a house! Now when we are waiting for our things and car to arrive, we can spend time relaxing on island instead of panicking about where we'll live, hauling the kids out to see tons of properties, figuring out various commutes... we can just enjoy. Spend time as a family. Relax. Explore our new island. Actually have a vacation of our own!

Our next few weeks are full of goodbyes. I'm really not looking forward to saying goodbye to all of these meaningful people and places. I try to remind myself of what I'm saying hello to - a designated parking spot, our snow shovel, cable tv, more than one bathroom, a beach 1.5 miles away from our house, a cute town within walking distance.

That one day...

... When we were in the car, just having returned from the doctor. We heard it. My sweet girl asked me what *that* noise was. And I lied to her. I couldn't tell her what I thought it really was, what I was afraid it was, what it turned out to be. The kids in the playground at the school were quickly ushered back into their school. I hurried us in the house. We waited. Then the sirens started. And they didn't stop for a long time. People slowly eventually left their shelters again and whispered about what went wrong. It took hours to finally hear the truth. By then the helicopter had come and gone and the police officer had been in surgery for most of that time. He had been shot during a routine traffic stop. In my neighborhood.

I never wanted to have to figure out if was safer to stay put in the car or brave the open air for a run to the house. I never wanted to lie to my girl - but how do you explain a gunshot to a 3 year old? I don't want it. Take it back.

It's strange. My safe place wasn't safe for me today. It let me down. I feel vulnerable, and not in a life-giving, heart-sharing way. Vulnerable. Exposed. Betrayed.

The In-Between

It's official. Barring any unforseen circumstance (this *is* the military we're talking about), we've got orders to Hawai'i. My heart is happy. I really love that place. I mean, really, do you know anyone else who looks for a halau (hula school) in TENNESSEE and finds one? My Pinterest boards are half in Hawaiian so I can practice the 'olelo (language). My kids each have a Hawaiian first or middle name. I have some connection to Hawai'i that I just can't fully explain.

We had been in Hilo, on the Big Island (the Island of Hawai'i) before, and this time will be in Honolulu, on the island of O'ahu (the one with Waikiki and Pearl Harbor).

I'm really excited. It's far from family :( It has a lot of accompanying paperwork :( and has a lot of natural disasters that could happen :( But I think it'll be really good for us. Plus, the job for Hubby will be better both career-wise and work-life-wise (that is military speak for it might have semi-regular hours).

But what to do now? It feels too early to do many goodbyes - to friends, to experiences, to even winter for a month or two... It is too early to look for rental houses, any available now most likely won't be available later. We are hoping to live on one part of the island, so I'm wondering if I should start researching preschools in the area and hula schools and churches. Cough, I might already know where the nearest Starbucks is, cough. But if we don't live there, we could live 45 minutes away. Do I just make up spreadsheets of various scenarios? You know, in my free time?

Well, I suppose now I'll just work on the paperwork for the kids and I - we're known as DEPENDENTS in the military. Gee, thanks, military. And I'll try to figure out when to ship out our car (it'll take 30ish days?), and when to have the movers come and pack up our stuff (probably will take 30 days too?). I have never minded moving in the past. Hubs and I have lived out of suitcases for 6 weeks before without batting an eye. But this move is different. WE HAVE TWO KIDS. Lu'au asks us every day if "the men (aka movers) will take her beach shovel and sand toys to Hawai'i" or if we'll take her bed, her dresser, her dollhouse, her walls, her room... and I sometimes wonder if we're crazy. Then again, if we have to move, it might as well be to Hawai'i, right?

One thing I'm also trying to anticipate is how to work on making a community once we get there. My word for 2013 is community. I chose it, then realized that we'll be leaving the closest thing to community we've had, halfway through the year. How do you create the feeling of community? I plan to spend time at the park, the beach, go to the same farmers' market and grocery store, enroll Lu'au in school, join a halau, find a church, join a small group.

I'm excited to join a virtual book club and read Daring Greatly. I want to learn to be vulnerable, but I need to figure out how to do that while making a huge transition. Here goes nothing.

Waiting

It seems to be a season of waiting. For military folks, now is often the time we wait on orders. Or wait for a loved one to come back from a deployment. For others, it's news about an adoption. Still others are anxiously waiting to get pregnant or for a child to be born. It seems like a lot of my friends are waiting on something.

We're waiting for orders. Well, we know where we're going, but we're waiting until it's official. We put in our request back in September, and heard back late January where it would be. Now we're waiting again until we get our paper orders. And each step is taking longer than we had anticipated.

We've been here 4 years. Two years into our assignment, my dear friend moved away. To Oklahoma. We were kind of hoping that we'd be restationed soon after that. I kind of had it in my mind to "coast" a little, and not invest energy into making more friends, if we were just going to be leaving anyway. Well, that didn't happen. God kept placing people into my path who needed to be there (none quite as wonderful as my dear Oklahoma friend, but it definitely seemed as he deliberately said not to give up on living life here). Friends seem to pop up and move away, but God never seems to let me just coast until the end.

Just today I had thought to myself that this place is kind of ugly in the winters. And just a few hours later, on the way back from the commissary,  I crossed the Potomac River and the sun was shining over the glistening water. It was beautiful. And I knew that I am not supposed to sell my time here short.

Waiting in expectation for the next thing and being content where you are at the time seem to be at odds. Do they have to be? Can you hold both attitudes at the same time?

1.28.13 - Little Things

 

 

 

 

Ballerina - I love watching Lu'au at her dance classes. She listens well and enjoys dancing. The ballerina temporary tattoo is added cuteness (and the only kind daddy will permit!).

Daddy-daughter dancing - Daddy took the day off and went to ballet with us. It was great to have him see what we do and see the ballerina in her element. Good stuff.

Cousins - We snuck off to North Carolina to see my sister, brother-in-law, and their family. The cousins all get along well, and so do the adults. It's great to spend time together.

Sitting up - Little man is sitting now. He can't push himself up to sit yet, but if you sit him down, he can play there for a good 5-10 minutes before he wants to get moving again. He can't crawl yet, but he can roll himself anywhere he wants to go (or to any toy he wants to get to)!

Snow! - Lu'au was so excited that it actually snowed here. After several days of below 20 temperatures (and staying inside due to colds), it snowed. We ventured outside, runny noses and all, and played in the snow for a few minutes. Most of it melted yesterday afternoon, but we're getting a fresh batch today. Just in time for Daddy to take her sledding this weekend. Kunane and I will hang out together inside.